Ice Age 3: Round Table Review

We've just exited a Sunday screening of Ice Age 3, and are having a bit of a chin-wag.

MICHAEL: That was surprisingly good.

CHOLA: It wasn’t half bad.

CHIPO: I still can’t believe it. I mean, it’s Ice Age3 at the end of the day, but whoa!

CHOLA: And you thought animated movies weren’t real movies.

CHIPO: No, you did.

CHOLA: Simon Pegg killed it.That was Simon Pegg, huh?

MICHAEL: Who was Simon Pegg?

CHIPO: Come on, anyone could’ve killed it.

CHOLA: Xenophobe! – or nationalist!- or something! What’s that supposed to mean? Anybody British could’ve killed it?

MICHAEL: Guys, who did Simon Pegg play?

CHIPO: Simon Pegg can fry my chips! Like it takes skill to toss my cockney accent on a squirrel…

CHOLA: A weasel!

CHIPO: Whatever.

MICHAEL: Guys!

CHOLA: Pegg was the weasel with the eye situation.

CHIPO: ‘Buckwild’.

MICHAEL: For real, huh? I’m with Chola, the weasel killed it!

CHIPO: Yeah, the weasel, but not Simon Pegg.

CHOLA: Hey! I admit Pegg’s unremarkable, but that’s the point with Simon Pegg, isn’t it?

CHIPO: Anyway – point is, it actually went down!

CHOLA: It did – and it was a bit depressing at first.

MICHAEL: ‘Depressing’?

CHIPO: Are you serious?! Why?

CHOLA: Just the whole thing with Sid – Sid, right? – adopting the dinosaur eggs. The plot was going to go somewhere, like, one day they grow up to be predators and try to eat him or something. In a weird way it reminded me of Madonna.

CHIPO: That’s…deep?

MICHAEL: Unlike you, I don’t produce oestrogen, so I was just laughing the whole time. Jesus, that crap was funny.

CHOLA: -ish.

MICHAEL: Was it just me, or was Queen Latifah married to Ray Romano in that thing?

CHIPO: Fool – look who’s xenophobic or nationalist or something now.

MICHAEL: I’m just wondering…When you stop and put it in context – that’s Ray Romano and Queen Latifah. Together.

CHIPO: You just can’t wrap your head around a pixellated woolly mammoth that happens to be black on the inside. Racist. Or something.

MICHAEL: Chola, back me up here.

CHOLA: You’re jade, Michael.

CHIPO: Was that even Queen Latifah?

CHOLA: Search me.

CHIPO: Maybe later.

CHOLA: Did anyone catch the American Psycho reference? Oh my GOD!

MICHAEL: Seriously?

CHOLA: When the Ice Agers cross over to the other side, there’s a sign that says ‘Abandon All Hope – All Ye Who Enter Here…’First damn sentence of American Psycho.

CHIPO: Ice Age 3: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (in mock-advertiser’s voice): not just for the kids after all!

MICHAEL: The scene that did me was when the gas in that chasm got everybody looney, then Buck inhaled some too…

CHIPO: ‘I’m so lonely…’

MICHAEL: Talk about taking a psychological dump.

CHOLA: Remember the bit where he’s breaking down all the likely causes of Sid’s likely death…and all his theories culminate in Sid ending up… a vegetable!

CHIPO: That was crazy, the trumpet they kept sounding – like it’s heroic to enter the afterlife as a roll of broccoli.

CHOLA: I feel curiously childish.

MICHAEL: We’re all just depressed. There’s no way that was supposed to go down.

CHIPO: Hell, if I had a clue, I’d have paid money to see that. Money!

CHOLA: No, you wouldn’t. Have.

CHIPO: You got me, I guess.

CHOLA: Usually I’m not interested if Pixar isn’t on the cards for an animation arrangement, but Dreamworks actually made a movie with this one. That scene with the pterodactyls or whatever –

CHIPO: Wow, right?

CHOLA: Wow!

CHIPO: Bastards looked like B-52s soaring over Baghdad. Jesus, I want one for Christmas – and I’m twenty-three.

MICHAEL: And they’re all extinct.

CHOLA: Let’s be honest here – it did what it was supposed to, and then some. But when you sit down for a Pixar project, those pictures aren’t only graphically superior, they make a ton of sense too. Pixar would never allow carnivores and omnivores to roll in the same G-Unit the way Dreamworks do.

CHIPO: Ah. But they would enable a talking rat to teach a qualified chef how to bring the flavor out in French cuisine.

CHOLA: Nobody can teach anybody how to bring the flavour out in French cuisine. It’s French cuisine.

MICHAEL: What the man’s trying to say is when Pixar aren’t making sense, they’re being…brilliantly ironic. Am I right?

CHOLA: In every frame. I can’t give you the details now ‘cause it’s been a while, but in Incredibles, for instance, almost every stretch or pull looked like it’d been tested with physics.

CHIPO: Pixar, Pixar, Pixar, you guys – we went to watch Ice Age 3, not Citizen Kane.

MICHAEL: At least that’s a fact.

CHOLA: All I’m saying is Up!’s a movie about an old guy and a boy scout who float into a rainforest on a house hoisted by balloons.

MICHAEL: Your point being?

CHOLA: My point’s clear enough. And I don’t give a rat’s a**, Simon Pegg KILLED!

POPCORN: Our boxes were indecisively half-full.

Ice Age 3 is in cinemas now.